Grape! Page 7

  “You’ve all heard about the Ten Commandments, right?”

  Everyone says, “Right!”

  “I can’t hear you!” he says.

  “RIGHT!”

  “Well, lucky you! Here at Camp Chaparral, we only have four!”

  It wasn’t funny, but it was okay because this was camp! You can tell dumb jokes or put your arm around a girl or a boy or sing goofy songs, and it’s all right. At school if I put my arm around a girl, I would be sent to the principal, and if I put my arm around Lou, Bully Jim and the Twins would call us fags and drop loogies in our backpacks.

  Mrs. C, these are the four commandments.

  1. THOU SHALT DRINK PLENTY OF WATER

  I had no problem with that. I like water, and I like drinking fountains even though nothing good ever happens near them.

  2. THOU SHALT WEAR PLENTY OF SUNSCREEN

  Simon didn’t need to tell me that. My mom is crazy about sunscreen. Every morning before camp she slathered it on my face and arms and neck and hands, and if I didn’t stop her she would put sunscreen on my clothes, and the thing is, if the bottle was less than half full, she would put a brand new one in my backpack so I would never run out.

  3. THOU SHALT ALWAYS KNOW WHERE THY BUDDY IS

  This was easy to follow because Lou was my buddy, and Lou is my best friend.

  4. THE CREEK IS GOD’S CREATION! THOU SHALT NOT GO TO THE CREEK

  Mrs. C, this was the hardest commandment to follow. I mean, it doesn’t make sense. If God created the creek, why is it off limits? Why would God put all sorts of cool things in it, like frogs?

  And the thing is, Lou and I love frogs.

  And frogs live in creeks.

  But the creek was off limits.

  So we broke that commandment.

  Every day after lunch, the bell rang and we had a half hour of free time. Lou and I took different paths though the eucalyptus trees so we didn’t look suspicious, and then we met at this shady area where the creek flows.

  Mrs. C, it was like a frog village!

  We sat on the bank and listened to the creek and skipped rocks across it and watched the tadpoles, and we didn’t think about God, but we did get to know some of the frogs.

  We even made a list.

  Tank was the biggest by far. He hung around the bank and he was super slow and easy to catch and his skin was red and he had these black dots all along his body, so he looked kind of scary, but he peed every time we held him, so I guess he was scared of us!

  Rock Dweller was a toad, not a frog. He was always on the same moss-covered rock in the middle of the creek. Lou thought maybe it was his nap time. And the thing is, Rock Dweller was super friendly. We would take off our shoes and cross over to him and stroke his bumpy back and let him dwell on his rock. He was probably too sleepy to care!

  Happy or Sad was super small and super fast and impossible to catch because he hopped between branches, and as soon as he landed on a rock he hopped off again. Then one day he was on a branch and we decided just to creep up slowly and look at him and he seemed okay with that. And the thing is, it was impossible to tell if he was smiling or frowning.

  Those were the three main ones.

  But then one day Lou got super excited. He was pointing at a branch and yelling, “Grape! Grape, look!”

  I looked.

  And there, on a tree branch, was Mystery Frog, the most beautiful frog in the whole world. He had red eyes and a super green back and blue lines on his legs and orange dots on his feet and rainbow toes, and we only saw him once.

  The bell rang, and we took different paths to arts and crafts.

  Mrs. C, like I said before, I hate arts and crafts. I don’t like making sand paintings or wreaths or paper rabbits, and I especially hate lanyards! I mean, they take forever, and I get bored, and it’s hard for me to remember which way to weave them, and they never come out right.

  But what I didn’t tell you is that Lou loves arts and crafts! He super concentrates on his project and always makes it fancy, like the time he made a cabin out of popsicle sticks and he was the only camper to make it two stories high!

  Mrs. C, he concentrated so much he wouldn’t even talk to me, so that made arts and crafts even more boring.

  So while Lou worked on his projects, I broke the third commandment.

  Every day I told Counselor Patty I had to pee, and she said fine, but instead of peeing I took my path through the eucalyptus trees and sat by the creek until the bell rang, then I ran back to arts and crafts, grabbed my backpack and headed over to the pool for swimming.

  Lou never noticed I was gone.

  Well, Mrs. C, here’s where the trouble started.

  One day as we were lining up to get on the bus home we heard the bell ring over and over and over. When the bell rings over and over and over it means there’s something super serious going on and we all have to gather at the bleachers.

  So that’s what we did.

  Simon was there, and he didn’t have his guitar, and he was looking down, like he was studying the dirt, and then he raised his hand and all the campers raised their hands and everyone got quiet.

  He took off his hat and ran his hands through his hair, then he started to talk, and it was weird, like he was trying to yell but he couldn’t.

  Instead, he cried.

  Mrs. C, he started crying! He paced back and forth, wiping the tears, about to talk and then shaking his head, and then trying to talk again, then mumbling, “No, no!”

  It really got my attention.

  Something super serious was happening!

  I could see Simon crying and hear words coming out of his mouth but I couldn’t understand them because I had never seen a grown-up cry in front of a bunch of kids.

  It was super weird.

  So afterwards, Lou told me what Simon said.

  “Grape, Simon said that footprints were found at the creek and he said that the ranger said that some of the frogs may have been handled, and then he cried more and said that the ranger said that last year someone took some frogs home, and that’s against the law, and that if someone is caught the person will be kicked out of camp forever.”

  So, that’s what Lou said Simon said.

  But the spiders heard something different.

  Hey, Grape, the spiders said.

  “Yeah?”

  Taking frogs home sounds like a great idea.

  “Cool! I’ll tell Lou.”

  Great idea.

  But then I thought about Lou and his finger, and how he got suspended, and how I didn’t want to get him in trouble again.

  Then do it yourself, the spiders said.

  “Oh,” I said back.

  You can surprise Lou!

  “Yeah, but—”

  You can build them a habitat!

  “Where?”

  How about inside Sigmund?

  “Cool!”

  On the bus ride home, instead of singing, Lou and I talked about the creek. He said we shouldn’t go there anymore.

  “Yeah,” I said, “I don’t want to get kicked out of camp.”

  “And I don’t want to make Simon cry again,” Lou said.

  “Me, either.”

  When I got home, I crawled under Sigmund and dug a channel with my hands and lined it with foil and brought the hose over and filled it with water and then I found a big rock for Rock Dweller and set it in the channel, then I broke off one of Sigmund’s leaves so sunlight could come through.

  In the morning the water was still there.

  It was just like the creek!

  The next day I waited for arts and crafts. As usual, I told Counselor Patty I had to pee. As usual, she said go ahead.

  But not as usual I kept my backpack on.

  She didn’t ask why I needed to bring my
backpack to pee.

  I wish she had.

  Tank and Rock Dweller were easy. I just picked them up and set them in my backpack on top of my baseball glove.

  But Happy or Sad was still impossible to catch. As soon as I grabbed at him, he jumped onto another branch.

  Then the bell rang.

  I grabbed at him again, then he rock-hopped across the creek and I followed him and then I stepped on a mossy rock and slipped, and my sneakers splashed in the water, so I splashed across the rest of the way, and I looked all over the place.

  Happy or Sad was gone, but someone else was there.

  Mrs. C, it was like a miracle.

  Mystery Frog had his rainbow toes around a branch and his super red eyes were sideways, kind of looking at me.

  I didn’t even think. I cupped my hands around him, and I could feel him bouncing off my palms as I splashed back across the creek. Then I put him in my backpack and I pulled the drawstring but not all the way.

  I peeked in.

  Tank and Rock Dweller were resting on my glove, and Mystery Frog was bouncing around like a pinball.

  By the time I got to swimming, the pool room was empty.

  I was late, and it was bad to be late to swimming, so I pulled my towel and my swimsuit out of my backpack super slowly, and then I changed and ran outside.

  Kids were already jumping off the high dive and doing cannonballs.

  Counselor Mike signaled me over to him. He always wore a tank top and a big cowboy hat.

  “Grape,” he said, “you’re late.”

  “I was in the bathroom.”

  “No excuses, amigo. Ten minutes out of the pool. Sit. Right here. Next to me.”

  Mrs. C, that ten minutes felt like ten hours.

  Ten hours watching kids jump off the high dive and ten hours worrying about the frogs, and ten hours until I realized something super important.

  “Counselor Mike?”

  “Yup? What is it, amigo?”

  “I forgot sunscreen. I need to go back to the pool room.”

  “My watch says you got four minutes left.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “Four more minutes won’t kill you, amigo.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t under—”

  “Try being on time. On-time swimmers go back for sunscreen.”

  But by the time my ten hours of watching kids doing cannonballs and ten hours of worrying about the frogs ended, and Counselor Mike said, “Okay, Grape, you’re free to go,” I had forgotten all about sunscreen.

  All I wanted to do now was make time go faster, so I dove in and swam to Lou.

  “I got busted,” I said. “Ten minutes from Counselor Mike.”

  “Bummer. My lanyard came out crooked,” Lou said.

  Mrs. C, his lanyards always came out crooked now because of his finger.

  “Wanna race?” I said.

  Lou was surprised. I mean, I could never beat him, but like I said, I wanted time to go faster, and when I lost I challenged him again, and he beat me again, then he got bored and climbed the high dive.

  Mrs. C, the spiders hate heights, so I tried to swim across the whole pool underwater.

  From the deep end, I held my breath and pushed off the wall.

  I didn’t make it the first time or the second time or the third time, but I kept trying, and as soon as I ran out of breath I went up and gulped for air and went under again, and the thing is, the spiders were peaceful and everything was all right underwater.

  I wasn’t thinking about the frogs at all.

  But I wasn’t hearing at all, either.

  Mrs. C, one of the lifeguards had to jump in and grab me by the arm and pull me out of the water, and by that time the rest of the kids were already changing.

  I started to run over to the pool room, but Counselor Mike stopped me.

  “Hey, Grape, what the heck was that?”

  “Oh, um…I’m sorry. I was trying to swim across the whole pool underwater.”

  “Yeah, amigo, I could see that, but I was blowing my whistle and screaming at you and you didn’t hear me.”

  “The thing is, I was underwater, and the spiders—”

  “No, sir-ee! Lots of kids are underwater when I whistle. Matter of fact, you came up for air twice!”

  “Oh, sorry.”

  “Something wrong with you?”

  Mrs. C, I didn’t know how to answer that. I mean, I could have said, “Well, sort of. When I was six months old I cracked my skull and Lou thinks I have spiders in my brain, and the spiders go crazy when they’re bored, but also I have a secret I can’t tell you that made me want to make time speed up, and being underwater was super cool because it made the spiders calm down,” but that would have made things worse, so I just stared at him, dripping wet and really wanting to get to the pool room.

  “All right, go on, then. But, Grape…”

  “Yeah?”

  “You should wear sunscreen. Just because you’re underwater don’t mean you don’t get burned. You should see yourself. Red as a tomato. Now hurry on up or you’ll miss your bus home.”

  I ran in, wrapped my wet suit in a towel, stuffed it in my backpack, and dressed.

  On the bus ride home, my sneakers were leaking, and my nose burned, and time did that slowing-down thing again.

  I really wanted to check on the frogs but I was scared that Lou would see me or that Mystery Frog would leap out.

  I tried singing, but it didn’t help, and there was no underwater.

  But there was Lou, and Movie of the Week.

  “Hey,” he said, “remember that one when the main guy hears this humming in his yard at night but he doesn’t know where it’s coming from?”

  “Yeah,” I said, “and he calls the police and this policeman comes over and says he can’t hear anything?”

  “Oh, yeah, and the main guy thinks maybe he’s going crazy?”

  “Oh my God,” I said, “yeah, and then, oh my God….”

  And we told the whole movie again and time went really fast.

  Mrs. C, I don’t want to ruin it for you, but it turns out that there’s a lady buried alive in the main guy’s yard, and the noises the main guy hears are her. He finds out because he reads about a missing woman in the newspaper, and all of a sudden he runs out and puts his ear to the ground, and then he runs back in the house and calls the policeman, and then he gets a shovel and starts digging, and just as the main guy starts digging and you can see her reaching her hand through the soil, the policeman shows up and points a gun at the main guy, and the main guy drops his shovel and raises his hands.

  The thing is, the policeman is the one who buried her alive!

  “I tried to keep you out of this,” the policeman says.

  “You won’t get away with it!” the main guy says.

  “We’ll see about that!”

  Just then, the main guy does this cool thing. He stomps on the spade part of the shovel and the handle pops up to him, then he swings around and BASH! he knocks the policeman out!

  And then he digs and digs and digs and pulls the lady out and she’s covered in dirt and you can barely see her face, and it’s pretty gross because the main guy puts his fingers in her mouth and pulls out dirt, but just then behind them with the shovel is…

  THE POLICEMAN!

  The main guy doesn’t see him, but the lady does, and then the coolest thing happens to the lady’s eyes. They’re the only part of her not covered in dirt, and they get super wide and terrified, and the main guy turns to see why and just as the policeman attacks, the main guy does a kind of judo thing and the policeman falls into the hole.

  He’s kind of dazed and holding his head.

  Because then guess what?

  The main guy starts burying him alive! And the lady does, too! She
scoops piles and piles of dirt on him, and that’s how the movie ends!

  And then the bus ride was over.

  I ran home and straight to Sigmund and crawled under him in the shade with a little light pouring in where I tore one of his leaves, and then I undid the drawstring and took out my baseball glove and lunch pail and towel and bathing suit and sunscreen and put my hand in and felt for the frogs.

  For some reason they were really slimy. I thought maybe it was because they were scared, and sometimes when they’re scared they ooze.

  So I crawled out from under Sigmund and opened the backpack, and in the bright sunlight I saw them.

  Tank and Rock Dweller and Mystery Frog were in there.

  But the thing is, they were flat.

  In a puddle of sunscreen.

  They were dead.

  Because of stupid me.

  Mrs. C, I crawled under Sigmund and cried for a long time, and when I was done crying I took them out and rinsed the sunscreen off them in the stupid creek I made and then dug three graves and buried them.

  And I never told anyone until now.

  Maybe Counselor Mike was right. Maybe there is something wrong with me.

  Maybe I deserve to go to Riverwash.

  THE TROUBLE WITH CLAIR

  June 9, 1976

  Mrs. C, summer was over, and the thing is, Lou was super excited about school.

  School meant fifth grade, and fifth grade meant Tammy, the coolest new teacher at Rolling Hills.

  “She’s the coolest ever!” he said. “Everyone loves Tammy!”

  He was like a Tammy expert.

  “She used to teach at Hamilton, but she got married and so she moved here last year, and she’s so cool!”

  “Cool!”

  “During the Eskimo unit she dresses in a penguin costume! And she sometimes wears a Dodgers cap and brings her dog to class!”

  “Cool!”

  “He’s a bulldog! And guess what his name is?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Dog!”

  “Really?”

  “Yes!”

  “Double-cool Rubik’s Cube!”

  “Huh?”

  “Oh, yeah, cool!”